Pink Dildos Are Funny

This is Not Moishe

Ruh-Roh

From the Washington Post.

LAS VEGAS, May 5 -- In this state known for quickie divorces, the slow, increasingly acrimonious dissolution of the governor's marriage is becoming a public spectacle nearly as absorbing a show on the Strip but far more politically significant.

Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons, a first-term Republican already under pressure because of his handling of the state's budget crisis, filed Friday for divorce from Dawn Gibbons, his wife of 22 years.

On Monday, the governor won a court ruling to have the proceedings sealed under a state law that allows either party in a divorce to do so.

Were that all, it might be a blip. But the governor is also seeking a legal ruling -- which would certainly become public -- to force his wife to move out of the governor's mansion, where she, and not he, has been living since they officially separated last month...

Chris Rock is Funny

From his latest tour.

On John McCain's age: "Who's gonna be his runnin' mate? A nurse? He used to own Sidney Poitier! ... How are you gonna make decisions about the future when you aren't gonna be here?"

On Barack Obama: "That's the blackest name I heard in my life. That's right next to Dikembe Mutumbo. ... You expect to see a brother from the Commodores. Not Lionel Ritchie, one of those greasy n---- behind him."

On the Rev. Wright controversy: "A 75-year-old black man who hates white people. Is there another type of 75-year-old black man? Do you realize his whole third grade class was lynched?"

For a Laugh

Morty and Moishe recommend... Hot Chicks with Douchebags.

Apparently not a Photoshop Jobbie. Seriously.

From the Daily Mail.

At just 2ft 9in, Indian muscleman Aditya 'Romeo' Dev is the world's smallest bodybuilder.

Pint-sized Romeo is well-known in his hometown of Phagwara, India - for his ability to lift 1.5kg dumbbells - despite his overall 9kg body weight.

Every day, crowds flock to the local gym to the see the mini-muscleman in training. His trainer Ranjeet Pal spents hours helping his 19-year-old protege build his small muscles to perfection.

"Because of his small size, I don't assign him hard exercises. But Romeo trains more or less the same as anyone else and he's much more determined.
...

Here at Morty and Moishe, We Love Weird News

Here is a look back at the best weird news of 2007. From Rueters. Follow the link for even more weird news.

By Erik Kirschbaum

BERLIN (Reuters) - From a Greek nunnery turned into a marijuana farm by two men posing as gardeners to a South African man with a gunshot wound told by a doctor to "walk the pain off," the world was full of weird news in 2007.

A Moscow woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat.

"I was burning like a torch," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I don't know what I did to deserve this."

In another unusual living arrangement, a German man left his dead mother seated in her favorite armchair at their shared home for two years after her death of natural causes at age 92.

Yet not everything that smelled like a corpse was really dead in 2007. In the German town of Kaiserslautern, police broke into a darkened flat expecting to find a corpse after neighbors complained of a nasty smell seeping out into the hallway.

But instead they found a tenant with very smelly feet asleep in bed next to a pile of extremely foul-smelling laundry.

There were sadly many deaths in 2007 that were hardly noticed, such as in Zagreb, where a Croatian man who boarded a night tram and died in his seat rode through the city for more than six hours before the driver discovered he was dead...

Morty and Moishe Love us Some White People

First, We told you about White Whine. Next, Morty was on White Whine. And now we recommend... Stuff White People Like. Thanks, Maria!

#55 Apologies
White people know that their ancestors did some messed up things. As a result, it has become hard wired for them to apologize for almost anything.

In fact, white people are so used to apologizing that they start all sentences that might cause disagreement with “I’m sorry.” For example “I’m sorry, but Garden State was a better film than Hard Eight.”

In other cases, white people will apologize without being asked.

“Excuse me Dylan, you dropped a piece of paper in front of my desk.”

“Oh, sorry about that!”

It’s just that easy! Just point it out and they’ll apologize.

Sometimes if you are out late at night and a white person irritates someone at a night club or a bar, the first thing they will do is apologize in rapid fire mode in hopes it will stop them from getting their ass kicked. This technique has a surprisingly high success rate, as the aggressor immediately knows that fighting this person will be very easy, with little satisfaction.

Quote of the Day

By Filmdrunk. Brought to my attention by Alicublog.

Why do we still have the theater? Don't they know you can go film shit on location and do special effects and stuff and then play it back without the actors having to be there? Theater nowadays is pretty much like when rich people go camping. "Ooh, let's drive out to the woods and pretend we're poor!" Good idea, dad, you fucking yuppie.

Do You Feel Safe?

From Think Progress.

Hostile commenters ‘overwhelm’ TSA blog.

The Transportation Security Administration is having trouble with its new blog, which launched on Wednesday. The team of bloggers tried to set a friendly tone by introducing themselves with lines such as: “Hi! My name is Ethel and I’m from Wisconsin. I like music, I love ice cream, and I adore weird facts.” But by mid-day yesterday, comments had already been turned off the original “Welcome” post after “things started to get ugly.” A highlight of the comments:

– “Funny how the government stresses ‘anti-bullying’ in schools but promotes bullying by the TSA.”

– “DHS and TSA are fundamentally broken. Disband both immediately and return our civil liberties.”

– “I think TSA are idiots.”

– “I would like someone to explain the ‘liquids’ thing. It makes no sense to me.”

From The Guys behind "Homeless ET"...

Comes "An Important Man." He didn't poop his pants. From Connie's Ric Rac Productions and the Sixth Bourough Comedy Troupe. And, if you missed it, here is "Homeless ET."

Morty is getting famous, bitches!

First, I told you about White Whine. And now I'm on White Whine:

February 6, 2008
#
Complaint #145

“It is beyond frustrating that we don’t have single stream recycling in my neighborhood. I mean, c’mon!”

-Whine by Morty

An Oldie, but a Goodie

Classic satire from Black People Love Us. I love the internet.

Man, ET has Fallen on Hard Times: He's Homeless and Begging for Change in South Philly

From 9th Street's finest, the 6th Borough Comedy Troupe, and Connie's Ric Rac Productions.

Update! More from the Sixth Borough.

Danny DeVito Demonstrates a Strong Pimp Hand

From the funniest show on TV, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Morty's first cousin - props to FrumSatire.net for this, great site!

The Onion Has an Exclusive Op-Ed From Jimmy Carter

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hilarious Website

No, this is not Moishe in his 60's record producing days. Click on the link above for "Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians". Here is a taste:

The Stylistics Promote Channel 10 News, 1982

Cool Street Art From London

Follow the link above for more...

Renegade artist and head-hunter the Decapitator has been bombarding the streets of London with a signature style of graffiti tag - eerily removing the heads from major adverts around town, replacing them with ghastly, gory stumps.

(Via: Core 77)